Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
