her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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