I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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