Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You have to summon your inner elephant
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
