I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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