Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
