She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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