The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
His hands were made for my vagina.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
