someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
