i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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