does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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