ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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