Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
