Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
