i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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