i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
