his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
