ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
