well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
