I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
