Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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