Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
