So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
