The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
