if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
