i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
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