I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
