well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
