That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
