hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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