what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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