the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
