Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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