Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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