I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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