Little spoons don't ask big questions
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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