I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
