He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
