So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
