I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
