Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
