You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
