I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
