That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
