It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
