my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
