I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
