And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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