I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
