her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
